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Open Arms
Alone...
.separate...
...yet together..
friends...
.. never touching...
...yet understanding
... most blessed
of being...
...aware of
...giving
and having...
....space to be us
...Yet friends in trust
...warm the hollowness
of the heart...
...knowing
others care...
... are always there
journeying ...
and so...
we continue
Alone..
...separate
yet...together
© Faye Sizemore...July 1, 2003
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 It Dont Mean Nuthin'
A phrase oft repeated in Vietnam, worn paper thin
By soldiers used an awful lot
When its gettin bricky hot...
Under pressure with lives on the line
Melancholy existence on a definite decline.
It Dont Mean Nuthin, they say
Turning stone-faced from fears to walk away
As though something's stolen part of their soul
Left no way sorrow's grief to console
Led too far astray in hell's battles darkning gray
Forever boyhood humanity to betray...
Staggering memories stored way down deep on the pile
Hidden from the light of day...for awhile!
"But It Dont Mean Nuthin"
It Dont Mean Nuthin
He says, when things happen that mean plenty
To tough combat grunt gentry
As things in war too often do...
Boiling over in Nam's killing zone damps and dew
Not able to face it
Not now...
Too painful to think about it
Not now...
So forget about it...
Bag it
Take this shit and shove it
Nuthin I do or say makes any difference anyway
So put it on the back burner till another day
Pretend it didn't happen
Cause It Dont Mean Nuthin
It Dont Mean Nuthin
Means he couldnt handle it that day
So he walked away
Fraught with a lonely stare of dismay
Repressed it...denied it
Sick of it...belied it
Pushed it down somewhere in the back of reality
Crammed down a crack of the last vestige of sanity
Lost in the context of where he was going
In order to go on doing what he was doing
Heartsick from unbearably painful sights
Took that next step away from unthinkable afterthoughts.
It Dont Mean Nuthin
He says, when the world seems so unfair
In a world of unimaginable danger a very soul will unbare
Ordered to walk point again
Durn...
And it wasnt even his turn
A shock
Load and lock
Go forth, yours but this violence to pursue
Go forth, as fears in the shadows ensue
Ordered to hump into the heart of the gloom
Dead weight on your shoulders of impending doom
In an alien, unknown war virtually alone
Without a love of his own.
It Dont Mean Nuthin
Cause nobody cares if you dont want to
Never quite ready are you
For dedicated men constantly trying to kill you
Preoccupied with your dying
In wait for you lying...
Here, there, along jungled treeline
Prone behind that entangled vine
Just off the trail in a ditch's rocky incline
Go, dive deeply into this living nightmare impacted
By some politician back home patriotically advocated
Cause It Dont Mean Nuthin
A kid begging for candy has a grenade strapped to his back...
It Dont Mean Nuthin
When you kill your first man...
It Dont Mean Nuthin
Forever haunted by the last look in his eye...
It Dont Mean Nuthin
Receiving a Dear John from your girl, diamond ring inside...
It Dont Mean Nuthin
Tormented by water, leaches, footrot up to my thigh
It Dont Mean Nuthin
You didnt want to live forever, did you?
Cause "It Dont Mean Nuthin
No one back home can ever understand
Not even begin to comprehend
Feeling hot, sticky blood On your hand
Blood of your enemy
Paying dear for his tyranny
Or is it your own blood...maybe your buddy?
It Dont Mean Nuthin
You cry out in a primal scream of despair...
Welling inside voice a swear
Where, dammit, where
In this fetid land is hope?"
Principled men, good men, find it so hard to cope...
But when in still silence comes momentary lull in the fray
Nestles a tear in the tough guys eye that day...
But It Dont Mean Nuthin
It Dont Mean Nuthin
When your best buddy...
On the narrow banks of rice paddy muddy
Your brother in arms
Steps on a land-mine in this world of harms
And as they do every blasted time in this festering hole
That mine blew a hole in his soul...
He lost his leg...
Hear him screaming for his mother beg...
Bloody and torn...
Lost and forlorn...
Hear him as like a baby he cries
Hear his last gurgling cry before he dies
Hold him as he lost his life...
Wholl tell his wife
It Dont Mean Nuthin
Calmly wash the blood off your hands
Now lonelier in these alien lands
Yours but to bite the bullet...and go on
Now your brothers bloodied and gone
To a far-off soldiers hell for Nam's sins to atone
Leaving you to pick up the pieces...
Fighting hard to keep from going to pieces...
An It Dont Mean Nuthin you say
As you slump to the ground to pray...
End of subject...
You say, with lowly feelings abject
It Dont Mean Nuthin
Repeating a phrase growing increasingly thin.
You feel the horrors eating at you so bad
Yet, know you cant afford feeling so sad
You've still got to keep your head about you
Raise beleaguered eyes to go on and do
For when being alert is life or death important...
You cannot relent.
Put away thoughts welling from soul depths cruddy
Wearing you down like a liquor besotted toddy
Can't afford thinking of your buddy
With the far away eyes
There's no time for grieving those mindless sighs
Just put him into that body bag filled with his agonies
Cause It Dont Mean Nuthin
There's no time to cure an unbelieving stare
Malevolently looking to the forests to dare
Carry him to the medevac dustoff...
You'll go insane unless the memory you blowoff...
With every fiber of your deep down being loving him
Wishing there was something more you could do for him
Feeling guilty...
In the wars greatest travesty...
Trying not to cry
why wasnt it you had to die...
God...it Dont Mean Nuthin
Say it dont Mean Nuthin
And just turn and walk away
When you just cant handle it till some other day
Some far off day...
Only another vet can understand
Only another vet can comprehend
One whos walked the rim of the last mile
One who says he never again will smile
Spending time still searching "the park"
From dawn till dark
Bravado belying the fateful tear
Hiding deep down inside his fear
Death's specter still hovering gruesome near
Into the valley of the shadow I shall not fear
Cause "It Dont Mean Nuthin
You didnt want to be the one from the medevac
To turn your back
Face the creeping forest motley black...
Just turn and walk away
Back into the heat of deadly fray
Back where people try to kill you
You dont plan to live forever, do you?
You know its now your turn to bleed
Plant in Vietnam your precious seed...
But It Dont Mean Nuthin.
Now when you hear vets say, It Dont Mean Nuthin
Just know...it means everything!
©July 2003 Gary Jacobson
 The Holiness
I was taught as a child,
of all things
Holy,
.......sacred,
... and seeming
beyond this world.
I was taught to pray.
....yet I learned
in one day,
far away,
that what is true
is never really very far
away.
All is Holy
here,
in the pain of this world.
.....in the quiet of sundown,
..alone
on a battlefield.
CALIBER
©3Jul03 LJKlaiber
Smiley Face
Dreams lost in time...
...a nightmare jumble
Sands on a beach,
... Vines in a jungle
A rifle in his hand,
... death to teach
Running for cover,
...victory is what we preach
Shadows just out of reach
...Enemy is moving up
No one to fill the breech
...Death has a front row seat
Heard is the call,
... 'retreat...retreat'...
Awakening , sweat on his brow,
... shaking,still wondering how,
there can ever be an ending,
... to each nights familiar beginning
Dressed ,and to work he goes,
... always smiling,
... so that nobody knows...
©7/2/03Faye Sizemore
 (Dare To Dream)
Entrepreneurs
Snap, Snap, Snap, carbine rounds inbound, along with the thumping of
mortars. My guess is Charley barrel rolled out of his hammock and
landed on his black clad ass. Ya can hear em yelling and scurrying
around blowing their whistles in the darkness. Whoomp, whoomp and
ground explodes all around us. The center of camp is glowing and we
get ready for the worst. A twist of the wrist and claymores answer
back while the sixty's fire tracers into the woods surrounding us.
We shoot randomly into the tree line trying to draw fire, hoping to
see a flash, which would help us locate their positions. Odd thing
is that system works both ways.
It remains black as hell out here and so far nothing catches the
eye.
The Sergeant is making his way round the perimeter trying to get the
skinny on the situation. He says " Don't know how many, or where
they are but you can relax cause we know for sure their in front of
us". That's fucking reassuring for sure Sergeant. Guess we gottem
where we want em now eh? Fucking lifers are all alike. Hope I get
extra shit paper in the rations tomorrow cause I'm gonna be needing
it. The guy next to me is shaking like a leaf and his helmet is
knocking against his rifle stock like a woodpecker in heat. I
whispered to him, " lest ya want ta get your melon split ya better
get a grip on yourself, You're tapping out our coordinates to the
dinks". He replies and says " sorry bout that man but I'm scared
shitless ". I mumbled " I wish that were my problem right now, being
shitless I mean". It'll be all right bud, their shooting blind, and
its just another night in the toolies. Keep your eyes `n ears open,
if they decide to visit there won't be any doubt about who, what and
where they will be coming from.
Come to think of it I have never had a problem being scared, I've
been scared since I got to this place called Nam. Its reputation
preceded itself. I've heard of the dangers and the sadistic nature
of the VC. Sneaky little bastards and of course it don't help that
they all look alike neither. We walk through the villages tossing
them token offerings of ham and motherfuckers and they wave and
smile making you feel like you are the liberators of Rome.
Pretending to be all friendly and polite while bowing humbly in your
presence. Then they break out into free capitalistic enterprise by
trying to sell you a six-ounce American made Coca-cola for fifty
cents. We can't get Coke in Phubai but out here in Timbuk-fucking-Tu
the peasant entrepreneurs always seem to have an abundance of shit
for sale that we grew up with in the States. Go fucking figure. We
smoke stale 1945 four packs of lucky strikes while they puff on a
fresh twenty pack of Marlboro cigarettes.
As we pass on through and out of sight we get the universal one
fingered salute and then they go to digging up their Chinese SKS
rifles, Russian grenades, and dog us like a coonhounds on a blood
trail. I get the distinct impression that no unit travels anywhere
unbeknownst to the Viet Cong. In my mind these dinks and dinkettes
are all in cahoots with each other anyway. They do vary in sizes and
shapes these people; from chubby four foot six Koreans to six foot
muscle bound Chinese. Depends on what country supply's em with
reinforcements. Those I've seen out in the bush all had one thing in
common. Death.
Alls quiet again and the perimeter is secure for the moment. I gotta
hand it to Charley cause he knows how to play the mind games. He
knows just when to hit and just when to run. Constantly keeping us
all on edge. Since we've been in the bush this time I'd say we get
an average of two hours sleep a night because of his constant
bullshit. We see shit that isn't real and we ignore shit that is
real cause we're too tired to focus. The more ya concentrate in the
darkness the more the eyes play games with your head. Hell I've
watched a tree trunk do the boogaloo in the moonlight cause I
thought it was someone moving inch by inch towards us. Wonderful
thing the imagination. On the other hand I've seen elephant grass
get up and run like hell towards us in the dead of night screaming
like a pack drugged out Banshees. Life in the boonies is cruel to
say the least and when the jungle decides to move in, ya had best be
prepared to react to it. Second chances are slim and none when it
comes time to shit or git.
Suns creeping up and it's real good to see the light of day. Not
sure which direction or where we will be going today but I'll bet
Charley does. We'll be moving out soon, remind me to pick up a map
from one of the locals.
I wonder if they had a midnight sale on hammocks last night on the
Ho Chi Minh trail,
don't see any still hanging in the trees or the dinks that
filled `em either for that matter.
Amazing shit ain't it?
©July 4,2003Richard Preston
A MessageTo Old Friends
Echoes... of a long ago war...
whose war cries still resound
...Memories of allies...
who never backed down
Names like Dega and Bru...
and Montegnard...were warriors true
We fought along side of you...
so long ago... and far away...
With hanging heads...today we hear,
the end of your fighting is still not near
...It still goes on...and it does seem...
your freedom... is still an elusive dream
Faye Sizemore 7/2003
Oh Vietnam !
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There is no way
to say
goodbye
to you.
Mighty Mekong,
......mountains and mist,
valleys of green,
.......plains of reeds.
Vietnam,
alive
within monsoon time,
and soldier's dreaming
their lives away,
day to day.
The Dog barks!
The Cat sleeps!
The Sun is going
down.
Caliber
©Jul 10 03
LJKlaiber
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